Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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