If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
