I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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