Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize