i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
