What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
