I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
