Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
