It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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