I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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