Dude my mom stole all your condoms
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
