kristin has been a bad kristin
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
