just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
