No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
