I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
