we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize