I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
