You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
