she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
