You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize