He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
