You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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