Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
