You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My feet surprised me
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