he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
