she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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