I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
