While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
