Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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