U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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