I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize