i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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