He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
