They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
