im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
