she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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