shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
