remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
