we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
