You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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