she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
