Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
