Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
