I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
