mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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