I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
