i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
