remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
