If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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