All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
