I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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