Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
