Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
