Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
