Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You made out with two different species that night
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
