just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
