I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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