Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
