Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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