tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
