I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
