You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
