I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
