every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i've created a new STD.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
