"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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