i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
