also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
