I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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