that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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