your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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