OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
